


It All Falls Down Eventually

by LadyMonoko



Category: The Yellow Wallpaper - Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Genre: Based off of "The Yellow Wallpaper", Brainwashing, F/M, Friend Wanted This To Happen, Inaccurate hacking, It's all a theory, It's happening, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Nightmares, OH LORD, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violence, inaccuracy EVERYWHERE, sooo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9114625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMonoko/pseuds/LadyMonoko
Summary: Funny enough, this is a theory a friend of mine had when reading "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins. I thought it was an interesting idea and well, here we are now; writing it. Hope it does enough justice to what was anticipated. Just bare with me here.





	1. Systematic Downgrade

**Author's Note:**

> Funny enough, this is a theory a friend of mine had when reading "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins. I thought it was an interesting idea and well, here we are now; writing it. Hope it does enough justice to what was anticipated. Just bare with me here.

S y s t e m   C h e c k  .   .   .

 

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O p e n   F i l e_1290 ?

 

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O p e n i n g  F i l e .  .  .

 

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 **N a m e :**  W h e t f i e l d ,  A . N a t a l i a

 **S e x :** F

 **A g e :** 3 3

 **B l o o d  T y p e :** O +

 **H e i g h t :** 5 ' 6 f t

 **W e i g h t :** 1 8 6 l b s

 

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 **M e d i c i n e  H i s t o r y :** R e c e n t l y  b e e n  t a k e n  o f f  Z y p r e x a

C u r  e n t l y  p r e s c r i b e d  t o  X a n a x -  0 .  5 m g

D o x e p i n 

 

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 **R e a s o n  o f   P  a s t  A d m i t t a n c e :** I n s o m n i a

M a n i c  E p i s o d e s

U _ s __ b l e  H ___ a d -- p a c e

H a ---

 

 

**_E R R O R ._ **

****

_**E R R O R.**  
_

 

 

_A N  A P P L I C A T I O N  I S  N O T  R E S P O N D I N G._

 

_W O U L D  Y O U  L I K E  T O  C L O S E  T H E  P R O G R A M?_

 

 

_/y_

 

 

_r e s t a r t  e x p l o r e r . e x e_

 

_.  .  ._

 

_.  .  ._

 

R e s t a r t i n g .  .  . 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Rationalize: Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say for myself, friend thought that the site or her phone was broken...so I think I did a damn good job at that. Anyways, here...Hope this goes well. I'm getting the hang of actually posting stories and not just keeping them to myself sooo, this is a big step for me, believe me when I say it'll start nice but slowly will get darker as we go.
> 
> This is un-beta'd and all mistakes are my own.

Almost everyone knew of her.

 

From the way her auburn hair touches her slender shoulder in gentle curls to the softness of her lips always in a form of a warm and inviting smile. How her hazel eyes always seem to shine with reverence and a faint pink that would delicately kiss her cheeks whenever she were to be complimented. Her ivory skin a stark contrast to the usual neutral colours people would see her wear- from sundresses to khaki pants and a blouse, she would always have them in dark or neutral colours.

 

 

 

 

And yet, those bleary colours made her shine even more than what she already had.

 

 

 

 

She lived in a quiet and calm suburban neighborhood where everyone knew each other, a quaint family of sorts. She had her loving husband, a man whom she had sworn ten years ago was her soulmate, having yet to be proven wrong. William Caroldy, a thirty-six year old man with calculated sea-green eyes that would often crinkle at the corner when he would laugh and smile. Dirty blonde hair that was soft to the touch and naturally came in a gentle coif and a couple loose strands would lay on his forehead. William, at first glance, seemed like an individual that believed in the  _no-nonsense_ philosophy--

 

 

 

\-- _He kind of had to._

 

 

 

But when he was with his family, there was a side of him that loved smiling and telling stories. Telling jokes and capturing photos at "opportune" moments. Those few intimates times between him and his wife, he would provide gentle caresses on some nights, and more heated ones when they were both craving to be closer. To let the other know how much they love each other without words-- just actions; heated breaths and whispered promises. He'd shown that side of him to his family the most and she enjoyed seeing the switch whenever it would happen.

 

 

 

_Like she was special._

 

 

 

 

And she was. William was a doctor--some sort of psychiatrist. she would always forget which one but she saw the look of care in his eyes whenever he worked, she believed that he's an amazing doctor that care for all his patients. As soon as he popped the question to marry him, she had soon realized halfway that he was... _well-off_ in a sense of rather wealthy. Their house was large enough to have six rooms total and a massive basement that could easily count as another living space for someone. Most of the house was set in blacks and whites with splashes of blues and greens here-and-there. It was a very modern-like household with little to no traces of dirt and maybe one or two paintings hung up on the walls.

 

 

 

_A home not r_ _eally lived in._

 

But it was theirs nonetheless.

 

 

 

She was a stay-home wife, with having to raise her second child and losing the desire to return back to her office work as a secretary, she decided to just, do what she can at home. As it turns out, it was a lot that could be done. The reason for not having the house dirty was because she would often hire a maid to clean up-- the same being for preparing food for her family, her husband suggested if she were tired, she could easily hire someone to do the chores. When she was a little girl, she never actually thought she'd be able to even entertain the idea of having a large house, not to mention having maids and a personal chef to cook for her and her family.

 

 

Speaking of family, she saw the tuft of dirty blonde hair shift from behind the black leather love-seat, she smiled sweetly down at her little sunflower as her three-year old daughter approached her, easily picking her up and placing her on her lap, "How's my little girl?" her voice cooed lovingly, watching her daughter giggle at the attention being given.

 

 

Danielle Whetfield, the newest member to the Caroldy-Whetfield family and she looks more like her father than anything. She found it highly amusing because their nine-year old daughter, Charlotte Caroldy had complained saying she wanted blonde hair but would always apologize when their mother would pretend to be offended she hadn't wanted her hair colour, an auburn brown-- much like her mother.

 

 

Danielle's giggles grew in volume as soon as she began tickling her sides, laughing along with her baby girl and enjoying the way she had tried to squirm away from the offending hands to no avail, a shrill scream escaping her baby's lips, hands swatting in the air.

 

"Natalia," a calm voice called from behind her, almost instantly stopping and turning her head to regard her husband. Well toned arms crossed across his chest and she couldn't help but gawk as she saw the dress shirt he had been wearing stretch ever so faintly over his broad shoulders. She smiled lazily at him in which he took that as a sign to sit next to her, shrouding their daughter in both their presence.

 

 

Natalia leaned over to give a quick peck on William's lips, smirking at the quiet  _ew_ from between them, "How were the other patients today?" She asked curiously, eyes focusing back on their squirming baby who had quietly began to fuss, shushing her and rubbing her tummy.

 

William smiled tiredly at the sight,before scooping up Danielle in his arms and kissing her forehead in a obnoxiously sloppy kiss, loud enough to make the little toddler giggle and in an attempt to push him away, stuck her fingers in his nose--making him laugh, a fond smile pulling at his lips and he placed her down on the floor, "Daddy's gonna make some soup in a bit, alright?"

 

Danielle clapped her hands, "Okay!" she cheered before waddling towards what Natalia presumed was where her older sister was currently. When she turned her brown eyes back to regard her husband, she could not help the snort that escaped her lips at the site of him sprawled on the sofa, head tilted back but his left hand absentmindedly rubbing circles into her ankle, just the right amount of pressure to be grounding but also kind of ticklish.

 

 

His eyes were closed as he muttered, "My co-workers don't know what they're doing sometimes."

 

 

She arched a brow, "The nurses?"

 

 

William huffed and shook his head, one eye cracking open to look at her, "Not them, they're fine. I'm talking about the secretaries. They managed to misplace the file for a patient that just  _recently_ was admitted for certain matters." He sighed as he straightened himself into a sitting position, "I'm not one to deal with things like that, but  _I'm_ the one who prescribes them their medicine. If I don't know what they've been admitted for then how can I even help them?" he groused.

 

 

Natalia silently observed her tired husband-- saw how tense he was in the shoulders, his lips pulled into that minuscule pout, which was going to permanently stay that forever if he were to continue doing that, _you're a pharmacist, you need to look friendly_ , telling him exactly that got her an indignant, "I'm  _not_ pouting and I  _am_ friendly!"

 

 

She laughed quietly as she pulled her ankle from the soothing grasp of his hand and leaned her weight onto his side, slender hand snaking its way to the back of his neck and massaging the tense muscles there, "Well...why don't you just...help them? Secretaries have a lot on their plate and it _does_ help if someone who knows what's going on is there to help give a lil' push," she offered.

 

William paused, body relaxing next to her comfortably, she inwardly smirked at how easy it was to get him to calm down, and he kissed the side of her temple, "You're a lot better at this than I am," she felt his lips pull into a grin as they placed another kiss upon her temple.

 

Suddenly pinching his neck, laughing at the flinch she'd earned, she rose from her place on the sofa, re-adjusting the black tank top and black yoga pants she had donned after taking her afternoon shower a couple hours back. She turned her head to the direction of the large window and saw that the sky had begun bleeding into an orange-red, signalling that in just a few hours, it'll be night. She saw the clock and it reading  _6:20 pm_ , she held out her hand towards him, "C'mon mister," she commanded jovially, "You promised soup and Dani's not gonna have anything else," pulling him towards the kitchen when he held onto her hand.  

 

 

* * *

 

 "-- and then she got her mom to buy her a new doll! She even got the one that _I_ wanted!"

 

After her husband had made dinner and everyone ate, Natalia decided to clean up, realizing it's too late to call a maid-- if it's even considered late, seeing as it's nearing eight pm now-- and was currently listening to the complaint of a certain little Charlotte right beside her, her arms crossed in irritation and brown eyes staring up at her mother with enough anger to know that she  was more than a little bit upset.

 

Drying her hands on a green kitchen towel, she then crouched down to be at eye level with her nine-year old, "Baby, all because she got the doll you wanted doesn't mean you decide to stop being her friend," she eased gently, hand reaching out to rub the top of her daughter's head reassuringly.

 

Charlotte huffed and before she continued to complain, Natalia smirked, "That just means she wanted to play dolls with a doll you _both_ like like."

 

When she saw her daughter still look upset, she offered warmly, " How about this, when your birthday comes up in a couple months, mommy's gonna get you the most coolest doll ever, yeah?" she grinned by the end, especially because of the way her daughter's eyes twinkled-- failing to hide the sudden shift of emotion, Charlotte nodded. "Good, now tomorrow, I want you to go and make up with her, alright?"

 

"But mom--"

 

"Ah, ah." she held up her hand, one brow arched as she looked at her daughter, " That's the rule, you have to make up with her," she stated firmly-- no room for argument. Obviously her daughter seen that too as she had resigned and nodded her head once more, walking out the kitchen, "And go clean-up, bedtime's in a couple minutes!" Natalia called after her, smiling when she heard the quiet  _okay_.

 

 Spending a couple more minutes cleaning up the kitchen, she silently padded upstairs towards her daughters' room and saw that Danielle had already fallen asleep,  _William probably got her ready for bed,_ she thought before continuing down the hall and saw that indeed, William was currently getting Charlotte ready for bed.

 

He was kneeling next to the little girl as she brushed her teeth, both of them moving around and humming a song. She smiled at the sight of William telling her to spit the foam out and to swish some mouthwash, even going as far as giving her a high-five for doing such a good job.

 

 

It seems he hadn't known Natalia was there when he turned, eyes widening in surprise and a quiet  _Oh_ , left his lips before a small smile reappeared.  He looked at Charlotte again, "Alright Charles," he grinned when she groaned at the nickname, "Time for bed, kiss mommy good night," he instructed. At this, Natalia bent down low enough for Charlotte to wrap her arms around her neck and kiss her cheek, wishing her a good night, doing the same to him before running off into her room. he rose to his feet and nodded his head in a silent gesture towards their shared room, wrapping his arm snug around he waist as they both walked to their shared bed.

 

 

As he closed the door, leaving just a crack for their daughters in case they needed anything, William turned around and saw Natalia face first on their queen-sized bed, arms and legs spread out. He chuckled, walking towards her before planting his knees just below her armpits and gently sitting on her back, laughing heartily when she groaned, "Someone's a little tired," he commented as he rubbed his hands on her shoulder blades in a quick massage, working out the kinks and reveling in the softness of her skin exposed from her tank top.

 

She pulled her hands to pillow head as she muttered out, " 'm not tired, Just really love this bed," she wiggled a bit, "Now get off me, you jerk, I don't want being crushed as how I die."

 

He laughed again, slipping off and laying next to her, Natalia instantly curling onto her side to have he head pillowed on his chest, hand splayed lightly on his stomach. She sighed, feeling relaxed, enjoying the rise and fall of her husband's chest. The quiet and rhythmic  _ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump_ of his heart.

 

"It's kind of early tonight," he mused quietly, hand stroking her back.

 

She had realized that maybe by now, it was perhaps 9:00 pm and she hadn't actually slept this early--usually being busy with taking care of the kids-- ensuring that they're sound asleep by then. She nestled further into his side, "I like it, can can actually get some sleep tonight, maybe."

 

"I mean..."

 

 

She pinched his stomach playfully, " _Sleep._ You're tense and I'm tired...nothing else in this bed tonight but _sleeping_."

 

 

A few moments of silence crossed between them, his breathing almost evened out before he muttered out a quiet, "And here I was, hoping we'd help each other out of this predicament," he chuckled lowly, placing a kiss on the top of her head, lazy and soft, she knew by that alone that he was teasing. 

 

Natalia raised her head to peer up at her husband, a mischievous smirk dancing at her lips, "We'll see about it. Maybe tomorrow." She laughed loudly at the indignant sputter William had let out, patting his chest reassuringly, "Now  _sleep,_ you have to get to work petty early tomorrow morning."

 

 

And as soon as it had picked up, Natalia heard the calming of his heart, his breath evening out and the gentle snores that left his lips in just a few minutes. With William falling asleep quickly, she had time to think about how  _perfect_ her life was, that she would never wish for anything different. Even the random points in time where some issue were to arise, it just feels perfect for her.

 

 

As her own breathing began to slow, the last thought she had was--

 

 

 

 

 

_This is my joy._

 

 


	3. Rationalize: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I'm alive...just didn't have time nor inspiration to write this.  
> But luckily! Inspiration decided to come to me in my---I had free time.  
> I hope this didn't become shittier because of the temporary pause I had to do...once I get things rolling again, I hope it's to everyone's liking.  
> Again, any mistakes are of my own.

_She felt something prick the juncture of her arm then the slow loss of feeling and a dizzy spell washed over her._

 

_She felt hands--_

 

_\--gloved hands press firmly on her sternum, almost three second intervals between each press. She felt her heart begin to pick up pace and she willed her hands, her feet her body to do something--to react, to throw off whoever this person was. She felt nauseous at the idea of someone touching her, felt unclean and tried to open her eyes to get a glimpse of who her attacker was._

 

_No avail, her vision was blurry._

 

_so she'd been drugged?_

 

_She turned her head to its side, mouth opening to let out a sound of protest only to realize that this mystery person had been digging their thumb and forefinger into other side of her cheek, enabling her from opening or closing her mouth._

 

_What did she do to deserve this? Had she done anything against someone?_

 

_Where are her babies, her husband...._

 

_Where was she--_

 

_She felt the sudden prick of another needle, this time to her other arm, saw a clear liquid and saw the same time it began being pushed into her veins. Within moments she felt her eyes become even heavier, trembling at the force to just keep them open, long enough to show her attacker that she was not afraid._

 

_That she..._

 

_S h e ' s  r e s p o n d i n g  f i n a l l y._

 

_she can handle..._

 

_G i v e  h e r  a  c o u p l e  m i n u t e s  b e f o r e  h e r  s e c o n d  r o u n d._

 

_whatever...they... dish out._

 

_That was what she thought before she felt something being torn, felt skin being torn apart from skin. Muscle being pulled apart from the bone, every fiber screaming to leave, leave, let me go, gotta get out, gotta get out, home, safe._

 

_But all she managed was a weak cry past her lips as she continued to feel those fibers being torn apart slowly, like someone trying shred a sheet of paper in a quiet room..agonizingly slow and dreadful._

 

_Feeling every pull from it...she wanted it to end..she wanted it to--_

 

_She heard-- no felt a snap, before that scream finally decided then to bubble past her lips._

 

_A scream that deafened her it seems, this mystery person immune to such shrieks of utter pain. Maybe she was not screaming but her body was--it was almost like--_

 

_An out-of-body experience maybe._

 

_She heard that scream as it got louder, felt her own throat grow hoarse and for a brief moment, she screamed until she tasted blood in her mouth._

* * *

 

 

Natalia jolted up into a sitting position, breaths escaping her parted lips in uneven gulps, cold sweat clinging to her back and forehead, she threw the covers from over her lap-- not caring whether or not she woke up her husband-- and rushing to the washroom, getting onto her knees in front the toilet just in time before emptying out the contents in her stomach, hands gripping the seat, knuckles white.

 

It felt like hours when in reality, it probably was just twenty minutes. She felt the sickness wash away then come back like waves-- coughing up spit and strings of saliva dribbled down her chin, shaky breaths escaping her lips. She hadn't heard her loving husband's footsteps, nor had she heard the faint gasp escaping his lips. All she heard was the sloshing of the toilet water liquids as she deftly reached her hand to flush it down.

 

_Flush it all down. Away. Disappear from my---_

 

"Are you alright?" his honeyed voice rung through her haze, her eyes drifted upwards slowly, following the grey sweatpant-clad legs, up the white t-shirt that hugged his torso nicely--all the way up to a face that shown nothing but concern. She laid her head on the toilet seat, shallow breaths escaping her chapped lips and if she were to swipe her tongue across her lips, she can taste the remnants of--

 

She threw up once again.

 

She felt hesitant hands ease atop her back, forcing her body into a violent tremor in attempts at pushing the invading, too close,  _harmful_ \--

 

"Natalia," she heard the voice again.

 

_S n a p  o u t  o f  i t._

 

 

"Baby, what happened?" the man's voice was thick with emotion, she needed it to stop.

 

The soft gentle touch on her back began moving in circles, slowly from the nape of her neck to the middle of her back and then it repeats. She hears the man humming, a tune that feels calm and inviting.

 

She urges her arms to cooperate with the rest of her body, as she slowly gets into a crouch position, arms shaking violently with the force. All before giving out, luckily being caught by the  _d o c t o r--_

 

_No, the man who holds her within his arms is William Caroldy and you need to breathe._

 

She blinked her bleary eyes to peer at the face of her loving husband, the man she married and continues to love deeply, giving him a watery smile, "H-hello," she croaked out.

 

He hugged her tighter for a moment before running a free hand across her cheekbone, back and forth, back and forth, reassuringly, a small smile pulling at his beautiful lips, "Hello, love," he whispered, almost like he was afraid to shatter the sickly silence that settled within their washroom, "You feel another wave coming in?" he asks calmly.

 

 

 _Must be nice_ , she muses, _knowing how to take care of the sick as second nature._

 

 

Natalia shook her head faintly, hand wiping across her dried lips, "I think that's it," she guesses before urging her dear husband that she will be returning to their room.

 

But before she had the chance to, William righted both Natalia and himself slowly, arm wrapped tightly around her waist and ushered them both down towards their shared bedroom. His footsteps were quiet--almost like he was barely even there. She involuntarily gripped his bicep, nails digging into the firm flesh, she was positive that he must have felt a sting but did not let it show--he knew just as much as she did that Natalia needed to be grounded. So as he laid her gently on the bed, she balled her hands into the sheets, eyes focusing on the light fixture that hangs above their bed. 

 

"I'll be right back," she heard a murmur before the receding sounds of footsteps.

 

She curled onto her side, facing the closed doors of their walk-in closet, hand clutching the sheets even tighter. A feeling of unease bubbling within her stomach, churning and burning, wanting to erupt from their confines and cause Natalia to combust with all the heat within her. A heat that scorches the flesh from the inside out, maybe she will be unrecognizable when the fire has finished licking at every inch of her body. Finished wanting to consume her and slowly savor the way she tasted.

 

_Cooked to perfection._

 

"What was that?" she murmured harshly to herself, eyes closing for the briefest of moments before snapping open. The nightmare felt so real, it made sense that she felt nauseous. She was held down and operated,  _no no_ , injected with a needle. She was unsure whether or not it was to draw blood...or something was--

 

Natalia unfurled her hands from the sheets and moved her arm so that she could see...no punctures or anything from her forearm, quickly checking the other arm with the same result of nothing. She was not sure if she felt relief or if that unease just--

 

"Here, drink this."

 

Natalia turned onto her back and slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position, sending a grateful smile at her husband before accepting the offered glass of water and taking slow sips, placing the emptied glass on the dark-wooden night table. The tremors that were still in her body had slowly started to die down, mind and body acknowledging that  _this_ is her reality, not whatever her mind conjured up to frighten her. She had two beautiful daughters, a loving husband, a lovely home and the perfect life.

 

She felt the dip in the bed next to her and slowly felt the warmth radiating off William seep into her clothes, warming her up without even touching him. If her body decided to curl closer to her husband, then nobody would know. She felt the soft pads of his fingers dance across the strip of flesh of her abdomen from where her black tank top has ridden up, reveling in the affection and comfort his touch is able to give her. She huffed out a quiet laugh, eyes watching her husband as he pulls his body closer to hers, more warmth seeping into her flesh and enveloping her--drowning her in it and the faint scent of sandalwood and pine,  _he was always so earthy,_ she chuckled into his hair as he slowly began placing lazy kisses along her collarbone, her slender hands twirling a stray strand around her finger.

 

 "Is this your way of--"

 

With his free hand, he softly tilts her chin towards him and kisses her, soft and sweet. Natalia's eyes closing as she slowly got lost in the kiss her husband leads, showing her that she is real, he is real and everything around them is real.

 

 

_T h a t ' s  g o o d  e n o u g h._

 

He pulled away from her lips, hand gliding down her chin to her neck and slowly inching closer to her chest, her breaths come out in sharper breaths, anticipation building within her--dissolving the unease she had been feeling, the fire within her that wanted to burn her is now cooling to magma, slowly forming new land within her and this was just from her husband's lingering touches. She felt herself arch under his touch, his hands that she had memorized so perfectly felt new  all of a sudden--felt riveting in ways that she feels scared and excited.

 

"Taking your mind off whatever troubled you?" he finished breathlessly before placing a gentle bite just below her ear, "if you want me to," he offered, the smile evident in his voice, she huffed again. 

 

Natalia turned her head to re-capture his lips, putting as much fever into it as she can muster, smiling when he returned it with just as much emotion. Temporarily removing her lips from his, she straddled his hips and placed her hands just above his head, and she---

 

 

\--stared.

 

 

She couldn't help but admire how her husband looked beneath her.

 

His eyes watching her, in the faint glow from the lamp light-- _when had that been turned on?_ \-- pupils nearly encasing the green with silent  _desire_ and it made her ache in a pleasant way. The way his lip were kiss-bruised and his hands kneading her thighs, she felt loved, so much so that she giggled. But before William could say anything, she ran her hand under his shirt, wanting to feel his heartbeat just on her fingertips, wanting to feel the muscle of his chest and the shiver he goes through whenever she flicked her nails sharply across his nipples.

 

_He's real._

 

 

_Oh god, he's real._

 

 

As Natalia kept tugging at the white shirt, he finally decided to do the rest and remove it from over his head, carelessly tossing it aside to the floor,  _good_ , she thought before leaning back down, pressing their chests together and kissing him deeply. Tongues dancing, hers once again, letting him take over as her hands try to find something, anything to grab onto. William in the same position, bit her lips softly, eliciting a moan from her, easily being swallowed by him--his hands carding through her hair and as she felt the subtle roll of his hips below hers she  _really_ wanted this kind of distraction. She pulled away once again, chest heaving from the lack of oxygen but smiled down at her devoted husband. Her husband that aims to please her--

 

 

 _He will if he keeps rolling his hips like t_ _hat--_

 

 

 

taking the time and effort to make her feel better from some nightmare she went through. She doesn't want to tell him what the nightmare was about, but she knew that come morning, she would have to. He has a way of doing so, a subtle tilt of his head and imploring eyes and there you go, she's weak in the knees and will ultimately confess that she had some horrid dream of latex gloves and hands touching her, needles being injected into her. It hurts, it hurts, it fucking  _hurts!_

 

 

With a light swat to her behind, making her snap out of her thoughts, eyes focusing on the sea-green ones below her, she saw the slight furrow of his eyebrows--he's still concerned. She sighed, tucking her head down to suck in a bite high on his neck, wanting all his coworkers to see that he has a loving wife to match his loving personality. She reveled in the quiet groans that escaped his lips as she licked the bite, hand tailing down between their bodies and taunting the line for his sweatpants. He wrapped his strong arms around her waist before switching position where he hovered over her frame, eyes burning with a desire that makes her keen, hand easily slipping under his waistband and smirking triumphantly when she felt how that he was already half-hard. She kissed her way down his torso, shimmying down the bed before slowly pulling his sweatpants off, enjoying the show she's giving herself, "You know, if you'd just lay down then I wouldn't have to--"

 

 

Before she finished her sentence, a shrill alarm broke the lust-fueled haze that had settled between them. She whipped her head to the night-table and saw that the clock read, in a glaringly red light, _6:30am,_  groaning to herself, "Was it already morning?" she asked herself, filled with guilt pressuring into her mind, waking up her husband earlier just to make sure she didn't die of vomiting out her organs.

 

Morning time meant that their daughters are going to wake up soon, and that she needs to make them breakfast and lunch for school. She groaned even louder when William sat on the side of the bed and huffed, face flushed and eyes looking at Natalia with such intensity that she just wanted to lock the door and have him show her how much he loves her. To drive his hips into her and make her--

 

 

"Well, that was a distraction," he chuckled tiredly, running his hands through his hair before getting off the bed, as his back was towards her, he stretched out his arms, letting out a huff of air as he righted himself.

 

Natalia couldn't help but look down his body and smirk as she stated, "Best take care of that situation," she nodded her head towards him, laughing as he muttered out a curse, Natalia, grabbed a black robe from behind their bedroom door and began to head down the hallway and to the stairs, not before cheerily telling William, "Breakfast will be ready in thirty. Do what you must, honey."

 

* * *

 

 

By the time her daughters arrived to their kitchen, teeth brushed and clothes ready for school, Natalia had made homemade fluffy pancakes, all stacked atop each other and four plates laid upon the marble counter top of the kitchen's island. She had washed some fresh strawberries and placed them in a small silver bowl, also placing a bottle of maple syrup right alongside it. She had coffee brewing and poured glasses of milk for her two daughters, currently finishing up her earl grey tea she drinks every morning.When she heard the tall-tale  _thump thump thump_ of her eager daughters' footsteps, she turned around in a flourish to see her loving family walking towards her--William, carrying a sleepy-eyed Danielle and just behind them was a more awake but still groggy Charlotte.

 

Natalia wiped her hands along the front of her pale blue apron, a sweet smile on her lips as she greeted her family, "Morning baby," she regarded them all, "Take a seat and try not to make a mess this time," she looked knowingly at their youngest--laughing softly as she saw Danielle giggle.

 

William placed Danielle in her seat, usually right beside the window, the rising sun hitting the mop of her blonde hair--igniting it into sharp strands of fire and gold, a wild mane that could attract even the most cynical of men. She saw Charlotte take a seat across from her sister, and William sitting at the end of the table, leaving Natalia at the head--she was not sure why but having the "head position" made her feel powerful and radiant in more ways than she would like to admit.

 

The quick breakfast went along, Charlotte taking three pancakes and Danielle managing to finish two--leaving six, William finished the three and Natalia was just on her last pancake. As conversation of what 's going on in school continued, she glanced at the emptied glass of milk from both her daughters and the mug of coffee her husband slowly takes a sip from, hazel eyes following the bob of his Adam's apple deliciously. Even as he placed the mug down to turn to Danielle with a smile as he commented on something, her eyes trailed along the sturdiness of his hands, the strength of which she knows they are quite capable of. The tender touch and caress that can leave her gasping and moaning his--

 

"Mommy!" Danielle cheered happily, wide eyes staring at Natalia expectantly, causing her to blink slowly.

 

She heard the faint chuckle of William before he cleared his throat,"Dani asked if you'd make pancakes everyday for breakfast--"

 

"And lunch!" she chimed happily, running a finger though the leftover sticky lake of syrup in her plate, " oh--and dinner too!" 

 

Natalia laughed, reaching over to ruffle her daughter's hair, "Now if I did that, you'd get sick of it real quick, baby girl." she glanced over to Charlotte a grin on her lips as she snatched the bottle of maple syrup she had tried to lick from, "And you know the rules missy, don't east the syrup unless its's on the pancakes. It's too sweet for you otherwise," she admonished lightly. 

 

Charlotte huffed but nodded nonetheless, she drummed her small hands on top the table, "Ms. Torson said that whoever does the most creative art will get it posted onto the main office," she started, enthusiasm bubbling with each word spoken. She couldn't help but smile at her daughter's joy whenever it came to art, she loved it more than anything and by each day she was getting better and better--so if she hung up whatever artwork their daughters produced, then she will happily place it in spots that everyone would be able to see it. Her little flowers were her world, and she rather encourage them to be creative and have confidence in what they do--she supports their learning style and is always glad that they come home with wide smiles, excited to show her their art. Her flowers bloom so much when encouraged and cared for.

 

"Alright, time for school you two," William started, eyes looking up to meet with Natalia's, "I gotta head in early today, so I might as well drop 'em off," as he stood, he collected everyone's plates and put them into the sink, Natalia right behind him and began to turn on the faucet, a playful smirk on her lips as she looked up at her dear husband. He huffed, hand running along her forearm before intertwining with hers under the warm water, leaning down to whisper, "I could do it, you know."

 

She giggled before giving a quick peck to his lips, and swatting his hands away from hers, "Hmmm, you  _can_ , you're quite capable of using those hands for things," she let the innuendo roll of her tongue quiet enough for only their ears, relishing in the way William's gaze flicked down to her lips and back to her eyes, "But you got your work clothes on, and the girls' school starts soon," she hip-bumped softly and said more loudly, "So let me take care of the dishes and you the travelling."

 

She gave a cheeky glance over her shoulder, winking at him and calling out, "Charles and Dani, daddy's gonna drop you off so you better be ready! Your lunches are in the fridge." she nodded her head at William, "Make sure you don't forget anything."

 

He walked back to her and snaked his arms around her waist and all she felt was love, so much love that seeped from his bones down into her core. How she wanted to melt and mold along his body and stay that way forever. William Caroldy has never found a way to make her stop loving him--everything he dos is so endearing that her heart aches in such gratification, _I found the most wonderful man ever_ she thinks to herself happily, swaying with him as her head leans back to rest on his shoulder.  He kissed the side of her head, "I'll see you later." She couldn't help but hum blissfully, feeling the chuckle reverberate through his chest and she turned to face him, his arms still snug around he waist--like an anchor.

 

She kissed him on the lips, soft but meaningful, expressing the undying love she felt and will continue to feel for her beloved, "Love you," she murmured against his lips, kissing him once again.

 

William smiled, "I love you too, if you need anything just call."

 

She snorted with a roll of her eyes, "You know I won't, I can handle myself." 

 

"But if you  _need_ me for something, alright?"

 

She heard the yell for her husband from their two daughters, waiting at the door, she pushed at his chest, "Now get going, I don't want my darlings to be late, because one of them is being silly." she arched a brow playfully in which William nodded, turning to walk towards the front door.

 

She followed behind him, leaning on the door-frame and arms hugged across her midriff, crouching down to hug both her daughters when both of them ran up to her to wish her a good day, "You too baby," she smiled and kissed both their cheeks. She watched them as they left through the front door, and went to lock it before sighing to herself and walking towards their living room.

 

She had some things to do today.

 

* * *

 

 

As it were, those "things", happened to be treating herself to a home manicure and pedicure. She was currently naked, save for a light purple towel wrapped around her and tucked to her underarms, her auburn hair tied messily into a bun that rested atop her head, a few strands tickling the nape of her neck. Natalia was sitting on the toilet lid as she finished applying the cream to her legs, loving the soft feel of her now smooth--no,  _smoother_ legs, and enjoying the faint aroma of lilac and cotton candy that wafted from the bathtub beside her, the bubbles foaming up and popping in fun little bursts. God, she needed to have her own spa day and she was glad she decided to do it today.

 

She unwrapped the towel from around her form and placed it on the silver towel rack near the white rectangular bathtub. She glanced at the mirror, noticing the marks her husband had left upon her neck and she felt a spike of pleasure jolt up her spine, mind wandering on how it would've proceeded if she was just a little bit more lower. She shook her head, ridding those thoughts, and watched the reflection of her's body-- her slender neck that lead to milky white shoulders and the line that appears between her breasts, before not being able to see anymore through the mirror. She ran her hand over her shoulder as she walked to wards the bathtub, easing one leg over and into it before the other and then all together, sitting in her bubble bath. The water was not scalding but it left a pleasant sting to her skin that made her turn shades of pink, a pleasant feeling that was enough to make her both awake but sleepy as she eased to lean back; her head nestled on the the tub, water reaching just below her ears.

 

Natalia let out a sigh of content, feeling the tension inn her muscle ease away as the hot water continues to wrap and kiss her, causing a gentle sleepiness to waft in. She had her hand absentmindedly run along the back of her neck before reaching her collarbone and lowering slowly, running along her ample breasts, flicking the nipple faintly before moving lower, running her hands up and down her abdomen and letting out another content sigh. She let her left hand hang out from the edge of the tub, slowly moving back and forth in the air like some hypnotic dance, and she couldn't help but close her eyes, slowly starting to drift off.

 

* * *

 

 

_P u l s e  i s  s t e a d y._

 

_Natalia's eyes fluttered open, hazel slowly focusing before squinting under the blinding white light above her head. She tried to use her hand and shield her eyes from the offending object but deftly realizes that something is binding her hands down. She knows better than to go into a full-blown panic, that will only cause her to become irrational and sporadic. She needs to breathe._

 

_Breathe in.._

 

_Breathe out..._

 

_But as she attempts to exhale through her mouth, she then realizes that there are tubes in her mouth, running down her throat--causing her to choke, eyes starting to bulge and water. Her mantra of keeping a steady head and focus on the situation slowly begun to crumble in stuttering gasps for air that her lungs cannot seem to obtain._

 

 

_Z _ _ r e _ a  p r _ v e n  t o  b e  t o o  s t _ o n g  f o r  h e r._

 

 

 

_She used her free hand to attempt to remove whatever was in her mouth--to give her air._

 

_Natalia saw the corner of her vision darken, the fight in her slowly dying to weak thrashing and in just a few seconds, her hands became limp and her eyes closing---_

 

\-- _All before having air rushed down her throat, eyes snapping open and lungs greedily sucking in whatever the thing in her mouth is offering._

 

 

 

_\---n o  f l u i d s._

 

 

 

 _She felt her eyes sting and begin to water with the sudden bout of oxyg_ _en finally being pumped into her system, turning her head faintly, she saw a blurry face, most likely male, peering down at he with critical eyes. She squinted, still unsure of what this all is, trying to make out who the man is. She saw tuft of blonde hair, broad chest and shoulders, holding onto a clipboard. She saw his lips moving--_

 

 

 

_I f  s h e  g o e s  u n d e r  a g a i n , t h e n  s w i t c h  u p  t h e  m e d i c a t i o n._

 

 

 

_Natalia still heard an incessant  buzzing in her ears, but she heard the murmur of another...person, most likely talking to the man. She blinked slowly, body feeling groggy and she suddenly wasn't sure if she wanted to sleep or just die. Both seem like good options._

 

_S h e ' s  u n _ t a b _ e ._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Natalia choked on the bath water that she had managed to slip under while she fell asleep. Coughing, she ran her pale hands over her eyes to wipe off the excess liquid, pulling back and staring at her shriveled hands, skin not as smooth, realizing that soon these wrinkles may just be a part of her when she grows older. She notices that the bubbles had diminished to below mediocre suds and she decides it's time for her to get out of her bath.

 

She felt anxious, wondering what her dreams--nightmares?  _whatever_ they are, mean? Maybe she needed to go to the doctor's and that was just her mind reminding her that she has not gone for a check up in a long while.

 

She huffed to herself as she ran her hands over her face one more time, hiding behind them for a couple seconds too long and muttering out, "I hope that's the case."

 

Draining the tub of its water, silently standing and getting out the tub, wrapping the towel around he frame, she padded out the washroom into her room, turning off the light and humming a calm tune to herself.

 

 

 

Now, she didn't need to look in the mirror, for she knew how she already must have looked, freshly cleaned and perhaps wrinkly at some parts--her hands and feet mainly, as well a her shoulders, neck and face especially a rosy pink from the hot-then turned lukewarm water.

 

Natalia did not need to look in the mirror again, meaning she did not need to look down at the sink. For if she did look down at the sink, she might have seen the drops of blood. She might have seen the bottle of pills that managed to fall in her sink.

 

She have noticed that the bottle of pills was Doxepin--pills for her Insomnia.

 

Something that she sworn was finally fixed, seeing as she can sleep.

 

However, because she did not, she does not need to worry about it

 

\--because that would be

 

\--irrational.


	4. With Thy Knife...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, So I have a very faint idea of where I'm going with this. I mean, it still has to follow the actual story...but in some cases. Believe me though, I have an idea of what I want...just bare with me again. OH! and thank you for even giving this time and looking at it, it means a lot.
> 
> Any and all mistakes are my own.

"Mr. Caroldy," a woman calls from behind him.

 

The man in question turns with a inquisitive brow as he regards the young woman, noting that she may be one of the newer employees hired around the workplace. He gives her a small smile as he asks her what she may need, dark green eyes roaming over her features subtly, feeling the back of his mind itching.

 

The woman has olive skin and chocolate brown eyes, framed by rectangular glasses perched upon her small round nose. Her lips a light pink, most likely from the lipstick she has decided to wear today. The woman's light brown hair was straight, tied into a sleek ponytail that is held high atop her head, stray hairs falling onto her forehead. The turtle neck she wore was a faint green that billowed out and the black dress pants she wore caused the shirt to stand out even more.

 

"There's a brief meeting this evening at five and you're requested especially," she informed with a professional smile.

 

_So she is a nurse_ , he mused to himself before nodding, crossing his arms over his chest, "Was there any information of what this meeting holds?" he asked, the itching in the back of his skull intensifying briefly, eyes squinting faintly before ignoring the itch.

 

The woman tapped her hand periodically on the folder she held firmly to her chest, a sheepish smile on her lips, "That sir, I'm not quite sure. Mr. Lowell just wanted me to inform you."

 

William sighed, irritation bubbling before he schooled his facial features, "Oh alright, thank you miss-"

 

"Oh, Sasha! I'm uh," she held out her hand, "Sasha Ruthers, I'm one of the new nurses 'round here." she smiled again, showing teeth and with faint amusement, William noticed that she is one of the few woman within the workplace that show a genuine smile, especially in this industry.

 

_'Maybe you should show them the ropes,'_

 

He internally sighed, feeling like he is going to make some kind of mistake.

 

He shook her hand, offering a hopefully friendly smile in return, "William Caroldy, one of the Psychiatrists here," he noted how her grip was strong as they shook hands. He leaned his hip on the table next to him for a moment, "If you need any assistance, then please, just ask for me. I'd be happy to help."

 

He saw her chocolate eyes brighten and a relieved sigh escape her lips, "Oh my-- Thank you! I was honestly starting to freak out 'round here 'cause everyone seemed so.."

 

"--Used to it?"

 

She nodded enthusiastically, "Exactly! So uh, yeah. Thanks Mr. Caroldy--"

 

"Please, call me William if it's easier for you."

 

Sasha's brown eyes searched his face impassively for a moment, before her eyes widened just a fraction, "You work with the mentally ill patients, don'tcha?" Her hands dropped to her sides, still clutching onto the folder as she smiled shyly at him. William gave a small nod and at this, the smile grew to a full blow grin, relief flooding her features.

 

"Yer the one that actually _cares_ for patients," she murmured to herself before regarding him once again, "I believe you helped a nephew of mine with...a rather hard time...so thank you for that, William."

 

He was, to be quite honest, thrown for a loop. He wondered what she meant with the caring of patients tidbit that he was assuming wasn't for him to hear but he had and now he's curious. "Well, to keep doctor-patient confidentiality, I'm glad that your nephew is better, that's amazing news, even. But, what exactly...do you mean that I actually care?"

 

The pleasant demeanor that Sasha gave off suddenly was replaced with such a cold,icy stare that he was wondering if she was even the one to start this conversation. He knew quite well that some of his colleagues were...ill-motivated to say the least. Too busy focusing on money and disregarding the actual aspect of helping the patients feel better--it's always take a drug and come back next week. Capitalism is corrupting even doctors into throwing those who need help aside. These were things he kept to himself.

 

As much as he may seem like a friendly face--as most tell him--he has quite cynical and pessimistic views on those around him. Perhaps his line of work and how long he'd been doing made him that way, or it'd always festered within him. He supposes it could be either or, but he knew with the patients that come to him, he ~~cannot~~ _will not subject_ them to being treated the way some doctors see them--another dollar to their already fattening wallets.

 

Sasha shook her head minutely, eyes boring holes into his with such an intensity, he almost felt himself bristle, "Some other time, William, you got a meeting to go to," she said curtly before handing him the folder, "Like I said, we should have lunch sometime."

 

As she began her trek to what he assumed was the front desk, she offered him a sincere smile, "Don't want Lowell to bite yer head off now," she teased as she patted his shoulder. He belatedly realized that the woman had a faint southern drawl to her words, and a presence that can be made from liquid nitrogen--she's an interesting one.

 

And with that, he continued his own walk towards his office and decided to look into the folder that was handed to him. Looking at his watch as he did so, an hour before the meeting, he also wanted to mentally prepare himself for what was bound to come.

 

 

* * *

 

The folder that Sasha handed him was one of the stay-in patients here in the hospital--he supposes that it would eventually be his tun to have a run in with one of the more...physical patients, especially the one that currently had a..."Verbal dispute," he murmured incredulously, before continuing reading throw the report. Apparently, twenty-seven year old, James Harley, threatened the doctor before threatening to take his own life, hands clawing at the scrubs he was dressed in.

 

_Hm._

 

William, flipped the page over, and saw with slight irritation that instead of fully disclosing what might have triggered the man to become hostile, was in fact how heavy the dosage oft he sedative was. He knew there was  the possibility of harm within a situation like that, but really now--a sedative only immobilizes the individual but doesn't stop the issue they might've been dealing with. As his eyes continued to read the document and finally getting to the medication request they'd ask him to fulfill, he noted that for a man with psychosis had probably been feeling threatened himself and had to resort to a defensive mechanism--hence the threats and...

 

 "Dilated pupils, stuttering and...paranoia," he stated to himself.

 

As he continued reading though the file of the next patient, he reminded himself that with the time he had now, he should work on the report someone had asked of him earlier in the week. Nodding to himself as he pushed the folder aside and brought up some papers,in mere minutes William fell into task, a calm atmosphere falling in the quiet office space. 

 

William placed the pen down as he looked at the report he was told by one of his superiors to fill in. It was an order for more Plaquenil and Minocin. He sighed to himself, noting that his coworkers had been whispering more frequently than usual, giving William sidelong glances. He continued to look down at the paper as his left hand drummed idly on his desk.

 

Slinking further into his plush seat, he let his head rest on the back of his chair, closing his eyes for just a moment. His mind slowly wandering to Natalia-- her auburn hair, her hazel eyes, her slender and delicate hands. His mind wandered to the the smile she would give him and the adoration evident in her eyes whenever she regarded him. How Natalia would bit her bottom lip whenever she was nervous or concentrated at the task she currently may be facing.

 

 

_How those same slender hands would twitch at random intervals._

 

 

_How those same hazel eyes would never stay focused long enough on one thing within the room--like she was searching for something only she can see.  
_

 

  _  
_

_How her arms would break out with goosebumps whenever the cold metal--_

 

William sighed, leaning forward as he propped his elbows onto his desk, closing his eyes for the briefest of moments in an attempt to not think of anything. Knowing himself, that was easier said than done. He supposes that with the underlying concern he holds for Natalia, it would make sense that whenever he is away from her, she would plague his thoughts.

 

She was, for a lack of a better word, interesting. Ever since he was introduced to her, his interest steadily grew from there. On some days she was timid and relaxed-- easy to work with and a fun conversationalist-- _no, fun isn't the right word--_ maybe engaging? He shrugged to himself, eyes wandering back to the papers as he continued to write notes, approving or denying the requests that were sent his way.

 

On those off days, when she would have those nightmares, when he would manage to get her to talk about it usually after bouts of her screaming, clawing at her arms repeatedly until it bled. Until the blood cakes and crusts under and around her usually clean nails. The look of object horror when the mania dies down, for the pain to settle in, deep into her bones. Those same hands would sometimes dig into his shoulders as he occasionally had to resort to injecting--

 

 

_\--Inappropriate._

 

_Those_ days, she was destructive--to herself and to him and yet, he decided to stay with her. He decided that he can break through and finally be able to help her. But, his sick observation made him realize that Natalia sees him with adoration, not like a husband nor friend. But..rather like a--

 

\--God...

 

The look of total and complete adoration, seemingly willing to throw herself off a ledge if he so deems it. He used to find it unlikely that she viewed him that way but as the years grew on, he confirmed that the ways eh views him is someone of godlike traits, he involuntarily shuddered at the thought. He pulled out one of the drawers of his desk on the left side, taking out a pad of sticky notes and placing iton the desk before quickly scrawling down a note.

 

 

 

 

**_'Others believed she has ~~NPD~~ \-- Not quite the case_ **

**_~~Solipsism Syndrome to some extent?'~~ _ ** ~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

He heard the PA system call out his name, causing him to quickly jot down his thoughts before placing it back into his desk and rising from his seat.

 

 

_**'Need to ~~ask her if she may know~~ observe quirks'** _

 

 

He gave a quick roll of his shoulder, head deep in though as he closed the door behind him and locked it. Knowing his supervisor, this meeting is going to take awhile.

 

 


End file.
